Darlings! (Abusive) Mard Ko Dard Hoga! Domestic Violence Will Be Punished!

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More than a movie review, this is an article on domestic violence triggered by the movie.  I had to watch it in two parts because the first part was triggering and I am pretty sure the headache I got at night was because it brought back some memories which I like to lock up and hide somewhere back in my mind in order to be able to function. All living beings try to survive by avoiding things and situations that cause them pain. I am no different.

The same thing had happened when I watched the series ‘The Maid’.  It had made me sad and angry, all over again.  I did not want to watch Darlings especially when I am in a healthy state of mind now, focusing on my fitness and trying out new things.  But since this is an important subject, I knew I had to watch and review it.

Quick Review

I know some of you are reading this for the movie review. So let me say it. The subject of the movie and its treatment is unique and somewhat refreshing. However, I would still say the movie is strictly average and predictable.  Performance wise, Shefali Shah steals the show as always. Vijay Varma as Hamza has done his part very well.  Alia has overacted in the comic scenes. Alia adding ‘S’ to every word – lucks, rentals, phones was very annoying. Nobody talks like that.   The other scenes that were supposed to be comic, I did not find funny at all.  They were trying too hard.  But I applaud the movie for something else:

A woman realizing that her violent husband will never change and that he deserves to be punished!

Why Is it tough to leave an abusive relationship

I think there should be some life lessons on how the thought of being in love or someone being in love with us ****s up our brain and makes us irrational.

Women are always judged for not leaving sooner. But no matter what anyone says,  the thought of someone being in love with us and losing that person is hard.  And therefore, enough is not enough sometimes.

People leave when the abusers destroy so much of the victims, that there is nothing left to lose.  The same thing happened to Badru.

The other thing that is depicted realistically in the movie is that not all days are bad.  Badru and Hamza did have some good times which is what makes the situation even more confusing for victims.  They hold on in the hope that probably if they just stick around, the good days will increase and the bad days will reduce.

A baby, a house are ideas that women perceive as Alladin ka chirag which will fix their marital problems and cure their violent husbands.

But the truth is…

Who bicchhu hai, kaatna uski fitrat hai!!

This is the story Badru’s mother Shamshu keeps repeating to her.

So my dear ladies stuck with abusers, let me tell you this:

No love, no baby no time will cure abusers.  Abusers abuse. That is what they do!!! They feed off your insecurity. They enjoy causing you pain because it gives them control over you.

Leave. Everything else will work out

Finally Badru tells her husband that forget about him leaving her, SHE will leave him.  Abusers love blackmailing the victims that they will leave them, playing on their fear. This causes various fears in the mind of the victims – Will I find someone else? Will I end up alone? What will people say? Will they even believe me?

But the important thing to know is that you need to respect yourself and leave such evil people who enjoy causing you pain. Don’t worry about other things.  God helps those who help themselves and will help you too.

Maula tera maali
O hariyali jungle waali
Tu de har gaali pe taali
Uski kadam kadam rakhwaali

I have learnt a lot of things during my journey including DARVO, primary aggressor, trauma bond to name a few. I am glad that recent movies – such as Darlings,  The Great Indian Kitchen, the first episode of Modern Love Mumbai show women leaving controlling husbands and finding happiness alone instead of showing them find another man.  Also, the contrast is to show what a waste it is to spend your whole life being controlled and abused by someone when you can actually choose to live in peace.

For all the women who feel stuck, please know that there are a lot of people who will help you come out of the Black hole. But you have to reach out of that Black Hole for help and be willing to get out!! Until then, nobody can do anything. (Click on the link to read my article on my personal experience of coming out of the Black Hole).

I have a supportive network of women who can guide you, please reach out to me if you need help.

P.S. Round of applause for all those criticizing the movie for encouraging violence against men. You probably did not even notice that the wife was getting brutally beaten up. Misplaced sympathy at its best! But I understand that you are too weak to actually stand up against violent men. It is just easier to criticize the woman!

 

 

 


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