The recent suicide of a television actress made me write this article. There is limited information available in the public domain as of now. Obviously, since the investigation is going on. Let me put the disclaimer, that I do not know the facts, but based on what I read, this is what I understand:
- The actress had an ex-boyfriend who was also her neighbour back in her hometown. This guy is married now and even has a child. Yet he had been harassing the actress for a long time. He shared some pictures of her with someone she was planning to marry and then the wedding was called off. She was set to marry someone else soon, and the ex probably threatened her to do something similar again. In the suicide note, the actress asked her parents that this guy should get punished and that ‘Na rahegi beti, na beti se jude problems.’
How many women get the opportunity to work in such well-known TV serials? She came from a small town and made a name for herself in a competitive industry. But a bad relationship made her take her life. And then I thought of all the other actresses who died because of bad relationships – Jiah Khan, Pratyusha Banerjee, Nafisa Joseph.
Few thoughts:
- Though there are no mentions anywhere of the kind of picture that the ex-boyfriend was sharing, it is not hard to take a guess. When I saw his picture with his wife and child, it was even more infuriating. Unfortunately, there are horrible, shameless, zero conscience men like him who treat this as the sole purpose of their life – ruining lives of women who they have been with.
- The woman could have filed a police complaint against this guy. It would have been a bit embarrassing I agree, and we never know how far the police investigation will go, how much time money and energy it would require, and the outcome at court and whether he would get punished. But it was still worth trying to punish them the legal way instead of punishing herself. It was still a better option than hanging herself. She asked her parents to get this guy punished. Abetment to suicide is so difficult to prove. Highly unlikely he will get convicted. How does it matter anyway – No matter what happens, she will still be dead!
People judge women for filing cases against men. Women are called vindictive, liars, drama queens. The sympathy goes to the accused man most of the times. It is still worth it. You were wronged. Don’t feel guilty for making someone suffer for something they did.
- I read that the pictures shared by her ex made the fiancé call off the wedding. So? If the person did not love her enough, or trust her enough or was expecting a virgin then isn’t she better off without him? Isn’t it good that she did not end up getting married to him? She had every right to be in any kind of relationship she wanted. She had every right to engage in whatever it was that the pictures conveyed. What the ex-boyfriend did not have was the right to disseminate her picture and threaten her using it.
- She was trying to get married again and this ex-boyfriend was again creating trouble yet again. I understand it is great to get married. I do understand the desire to get married. It is nice to have a partner. A marriage may add a lot of dimensions to a woman’s identity.
However, not being married or getting out of a marriage does not take anything away from her. A woman remains who she is with or without marriage. What could these men take away from her – her talent, her roles, her acting career, her beauty, her parents? She still had everything she needed and had earned over the years!
It is just sad to see so many women kill themselves because of relationships going wrong. And these are such successful, popular gorgeous women who are earning well and doing so well in their respective fields who had everything going for them. What a great life they could have led even without a husband / boyfriend. Wish women would stop killing themselves for these worthless lovers/ex-lovers. It is not just sad, it is so senseless!! A lifetime of grief to the families because of what – some stupid horrible guy who deserved few dandas from the police!
Women going through similar situations should not feel overwhelmed.
There is always a solution. As long as you are alive.