I have been avoiding writing this post. I honestly did not want to write it! Past few months I have been focusing on my peace and have been avoiding topics that will make me receive flak from #notallmen! But I have been receiving messages from women who are distraught and wanted me to address this topic. When you are a writer you are used to receiving hate. It doesn’t stop you from writing. So here it is on popular demand! If you are a guy reading this, and you feel offended please don’t. That is not the intention. Understanding women better will only improve your dating experience (not mine)!
Few things women wish you knew!
Don’t hog with your messages!
If you have just met a woman whether it is in person or online, there is no need to act like you are already her boyfriend! Refrain from texting her incessantly. I know you believe that women love attention. The thing is women my age or older can tell when the attention is fake and you don’t really care about her but just want something in return! There may have been so many like you who would have shown a lot of interest and then vanished from the face of Earth so yeah we are careful with the onslaught of sudden lovers! Insincere concern and flattery is not welcome. I hate to sound like the Dadaji from Jab We Met, but meri umar mein pehle hi pata lag jata hai ki ladke ke man mein kya hai.
The nonstop texters can be very immature and impatient. These interactions usually end badly with the guy texting something like, “It’s okay looks like you are too busy” “Fine.. take care” or “Won’t disturb you anymore!” followed by some variation of a disappointed emoji .
Nobody owes you their time especially when you are not yet in a relationship with them!
Not your baby, sweetheart!
This should be self-explanatory but yeah people don’t like to apply their common sense. When you are not already dating, please refrain from these terms.
Also control your hormones during the pre-relationship phase. Just because a woman doesn’t slap you does not mean she is okay with you touching her in whatever way! If you are not sure, ask!
It is always better to err on the side of caution.
Are you a virgin?
A friend of mine was asked by a guy she met through a matrimonial site in the very first interaction on the phone, “So 40 means you must not be a virgin!”
Nobody owes you their sexual history. It is the most inappropriate question to ask. I know men say that virgin shaming is not fair either and that men who are virgins have every right to look for a virgin.
So here is the thing. Earlier, people equated sexual experiences with people’s character. But as society evolved, people realized that sexual experience is limited to what it is – sexual experience! It does not define anyone and is just a matter of personal choice. If a man asks about a woman’s virginity, it just shows that he is still stuck in his head, has not evolved, is insecure, jealous, immature, and will probably end up being the kind of partner nobody wants. This is a red flag for women and they will run!
Also, people lie about their sexual history all the time. Men tend to exaggerate and women tend to hide.
(Also just FYI, it is common knowledge among women – Never answer the question, “What is your number”)!
Don’t go around shaming women who have casual sex with you
As an adult, you are expected to not share private, intimate experiences with others. But maybe you are too proud of your conquest and feel the need to brag about it!
If you don’t consider a woman long term dating material, there are high chances the woman may feel the same way too about you ! You don’t have a copyright on casual sex! Not every woman who sleeps with you wants to marry you and have babies with you!
When you don’t call / text someone after a good night, or good weekend, maybe they couldn’t care less either! No need to shame the woman among your friends.
Unless having sex with you is a shameful thing.
Exes don’t owe you sex
You were with a woman several years, months ago and you have reconnected. Great! Please don’t expect that things will be the way they were in your good times. Even if the woman is friendly with you, doesn’t necessarily means she wants something more.
If she refuses your advances, don’t act like a sour loser and say,
“I know it is because I became fat.”
This won’t help. It will just remind her that you are fat! She must have noticed how you look anyway and chances are that may not be the main reason for her not being interested in you.
There must have been a reason why you both broke up in the first place. And time doesn’t make everything right.
Friendzoned?
This is a horrible term. If you like a woman, and she doesn’t like you back in that way, but wants to be friends with you still, there is no need to shame her for being shallow. Saying things like “Had it been ____ (a hot guy) you would have said yes” is not required.
The desperation comes across and it is the biggest turnoff. It makes the guy sound like an INCEL – Involuntary Celibate. The kind of guys who end up killing women!
Women get rejected too. Women get dumped. Women get cheated on. And there are a number of factors that causes that heartbreak. It is certainly not restricted to looks. Looks may give an edge that’s it.
Friendship is one of the best things life has to offer. You can have great bonds with people for life who are “just friends” unlike dating which often ends once the initial attraction is over.
Women continue to exist even after you leave them!
This one is for the men who have told women things like,
“No one will put up with you the way I do.”
“No one will ever love you like I do.”
The world goes on. Life goes on. When you see your exes posting happy pics, resist the urge to say “Looks like you are enjoying your life.”
Why shouldn’t she?