Bollywood! False Masculinity And Abuse of Women

One of the most vibrant movies of Sridevi, Chaalbaaz was on Zee Classic over the weekend. Watching Sridevi on screen has always been a delight. But ever since her untimely death, it has been all the more hard to resist watching her movies, knowing that such magic cannot be recreated again.

I don’t know how many times I would have watched Chaalbaaz as a kid. I have it memorized. My mother and I were discussing how we like Seeta Aur Geeta more than Chaalbaz. Father disagreed. He said Sridevi’s acting was far beyond excellence.   I went to the kitchen and missed a scene. My father called out to me, “Did you just see that? He grabbed her hair!”

I quickly ran back to the living room. Here was an angry Sunny Deol grabbing Sridevi by her hair. Reason: He thought he had seen her (her twin) with Rajnikanth, walking together!

He said to her something like, “Main to tumse sharafat se baat kar raha hoon. Aisa karne se to yahaan qatal ho jate hain”.

What a shareef guy! He did not kill her! Just abused her verbally and physically!

He said it so matter-of-factly as if killing a woman for cheating was a rule and not killing her was nice of him! Sharing the link. Scroll to 2:04.

All these movies I loved as a kid have been completely ruined for me now. Violence against women was so normalized! The recent killing of a woman who was stabbed multiple times, and its coverage in media brings us back to the stone age.

I was reading through some of the comments of how some men believed that when a guy cares and loves a woman so much, spends all his money on her, yet she leaves him or cheats on him what is he supposed to do! Some men even wrote that there is no place for “nice guys” in this world that has been taken over by “faminists”!

Unfortunately, relationships don’t come with a guarantee card. As unfair as it may be, people can leave. At any time. Men. Or women. If a woman cheats on you, please feel free to leave her. But her life is not yours to take.

I remember having a conversation with two of my male colleagues about an article I had written on “honour killing”. These two educated, modern-looking men who I interacted with daily, had lunch with argued that “in that situation any man would feel so angry that he would want to kill the woman!”  One of the the guys said that if his long – term girlfriend  cheats on him, his first reaction would be to kill her too! Obviously, the women were shocked. So these guys ended up changing their statements later. They said we misunderstood. They were just trying to speak from the killer’s perspective, what goes in his head!!!

Bollywood has created so much crap during my childhood that took so long to unlearn. It did much damage to our mindsets. The fact that I do not remember this scene as something objectionable means I probably found it okay. I remember another movie in which Aamir Khan had slapped Madhuri Dixit and he now truly regrets being part of such show of false sense of masculinity. Not only this, women like me also grew up believing we deserve abuse!

Mindsets take time to change. But  some people love to be stuck in the 13th century even today.

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Is Marriage Considered “Free Rehabilitation Facility” By Indian Parents And Their “Problematic” Sons?

Is Marriage Considered “Free Rehabilitation Facility” By Indian Parents And Their “Problematic” Sons?

Why do Indian families feel that if a man has lost his purpose in life, is abusive, or suffers from any addictions, the best thing to do for him would be to get him married?

Is it a reasonable expectation? Is it fair? Is it not outright deceitful and selfish?

Click on the link above to read the full article on Women’s Web.

Who Took Away My Confidence?

Dear Tanvi,

Would you be interested in moderating a panel discussion? We would be discussing how women are enjoying outdoor spaces.



I felt a slight fluttering in my stomach. I drank some water.


At the age of 5 – Somewhere in a convent school in Patna

Mother looks at her daughter’s quiz answer sheet. 8/10. Match the following.

Question – Something to keep you dry in the rain

Answer written by the little girl: Ren cot.

It is marked wrong.

Mother: Beta, here you had to match the description in the left side with the options on the right side. Rain coat was not in the options. It was umbrella.

Little girl: Ma’am forgot to put ren cot. That is why I wrote it.

Mother: This was not Fill in the blanks. This was matching. Read the question properly.

Little girl: Maybe Ma’am does not have ren cot. Now she knows.

At the age of 9 – Same school in Patna

State level debate competition

And the winner is Tanvi Sinha….

The mother and the father are beaming, clicking pictures.

At the age of 11 – Same school in Patna

Teacher: Tanvi, we are recommending your name for representing our school at the Interschool Quiz competition, Manthan. It will be aired on local television after two weeks.

Girl: Ma’am! On  TV! If I don’t do well, everyone will make fun of me!

Teacher: Opportunity is knocking at your door. And you are saying no? You think we are asking all the students? We are asking only the toppers. You must go Tanvi. Prepare well. Give it your best shot.

The girl was terrified at the thought of failing on television. She backed out.

At the age of 13 – Junior high school in New York City

The teenager raises her hand to answer a question. She has just started talking. There is a giggle. Someone mocks her accent.

Teacher: Let her talk. Than Vee, go ahead.

The teenager becomes quiet.

It was not worth going through this humiliation. She decided never to raise her hand again.

At the age of 15- PTA Meeting. Creative writing class. High school in New York city

The father is dressed in a black suit and tie. Mother is wearing trousers and a blazer. They are at their formal best. They enter with  their gawky teenage daughter.

Teacher: Oh Tanvi is a gift! She is awesome. She has great story telling skills. She is logical with her thoughts, and articulates her thoughts very well. Her grammar is perfect. I just have one area of improvement for her.

Teenager replies meekly with a smile: Class participation!

Teacher: Yes! I would like you to participate more in the class discussions. You never say a word! And when I read your assignments, I am mesmerized. Imagine if you would say all of that in class!

Teenager: Yes. I know. I can write very well. But when I talk I feel conscious.

Teacher: Don’t be. With your intelligence, you cannot say anything wrong.

At the age of 23 – Mumbai at home

Click here to see the CA Final Results. Enter Registration number.


As tears streamed down her cheeks, she wondered.

I was never the beautiful one.

I was never the popular one.

All I was ever, was the intelligent one.

I am not even that anymore?

Who am I?

She passed the exam a year later.

At the age of 24.. At an official training. Banquet hall of a 5 star hotel

She is sitting in the last round table. She is not making any eye contact with the trainer, afraid he may ask a question.  At the same time she is nodding, pretending to listen.

This is so boring. He mugged up all this stuff! What if I had to be the trainer? Nah.. they would never ask me. Imagine if the training was about something I knew. Or something I was good at. Then I would be the star. But what am I  good at…… There has got to be something… Think…think. Yeah. Bollywood! If there was a Bollywood training I could totally take it… One session could be on songs. With a quiz. Guess the movie from the song. I could also do a session on Bollywood relationships. Guess – Who was Riya Sen’s grandmother…
Name three sister duos from Bollywood. Yeah… I would totally rock it.

Same age. A random office lunch

Someone made a joke. Everybody laughed. The woman barely listened. She is lost in her thoughts as always.

“Tanvi did not laugh.” – Guy 1.

“She did not understand the joke.” – Someone else

“Don’t talk like that. She will get angry.” – Someone else.

“Is she angry? I can’t tell! She is so expressionless!!! Tanvi make an angry face!”

He has a hearty laugh.

At the age of 26. She qualified as a CA 2 years ago. Working in a reputed firm. Year-end appraisal.

Four people are looking at her like hawks in a conference room. One by one they start talking. About how she has not achieved the goals. How she is good for nothing. How she is a big, miserable failure.

She listens. In the beginning she tries to defend herself. But then she gives up.  She wants them to stop talking. But no. They want to make sure it is CLEAR to her, point by point. Every word is a dagger. It pierces through her heart, her soul and her being.

Don’t start crying here. Be dignified. At least control yourself till you reach the washroom.

Present day.

Who took away her confidence?

Was it those bullying kids?

Was it failure in a professional exam which is known to be so difficult?

Was it people from work?

From a little girl who was confident even when she was wrong, she had grown up to be a nervous woman who felt she was wrong even when she was right. Who gave the right to every person to take away her confidence. Who trusted others’ belief of who she was, more than who she knew she was.


She read the email again.

Dear Tanvi,

Would you be interested in moderating a panel discussion? We would be discussing how women are enjoying outdoor spaces

Opportunity is knocking at your door. She remembered her elementary school teacher’s words.

With your intelligence, you would never say anything wrong. She remembered her high school teacher’s words.

Yes. She typed. Send.

Beyond the doors. Bangalore. March 9th, 2018

I reached the venue. A little nervous. A little unsure of myself. But super excited.

A woman with the sweetest face and the most contagious smile was talking.  She was not trying to inspire anyone. She was talking logically. She was talking about herself and her experiences. Smooth, natural flow of thought. She was just being herself. But the audience was mesmerized. And so was I.

Somebody asked her how come she is so positive all the time? Does she think about dark clouds?

“Why should I think of the dark clouds when I can think about the light clouds. This is me!” – She said flashing that beautiful, confident, ravishing smile matter-of-factly.

She was Dhanya Ravi.

I was overwhelmed with emotion. That one line uplifted my spirits.

This is me…..

 I am Tanvi. I  get nervous when I have to speak in public. My stomach hurts. My palms get sweaty. I tremble. This is me!

I say Umm and You know after every word. This is me!

I will roll my tongue over my teeth, while I am still talking to you to check if my lipstick has spread over my teeth. This is me!

I may mess up this discussion. But it is okay. This is me!

I had a great session. Enjoyed every moment of it. Loved talking to such accomplished women. The smiles, the nods, and the claps from the audience gave me a high.

Who gave me back my confidence?

Dhanya Ma’am, you have written in your profile, ‘All good things come in a small package.”

But let me tell you this Ma’am. You are not small.

You are bigger that our insecurities and our egos.

You are bigger than our inner demons and inner battles that we struggle with every day.

You are bigger than our shallow concerns and problems which actually do not matter, but we are too full of ourselves to believe it.

You are bigger than all of us who love feeling like victims, the moment the smallest thing goes wrong in life.

You are bigger than the people who try to make others feel small just so that they can feel big.

You are bigger than any person I have ever met in my life.

I love you Ma’am. You have made me wiser. In one day!  I have gained my confidence back after years.  I promise myself that I will never let anybody take away my confidence again.

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Yeh Mausam Chale Gaye To Hum Fariyaad Kareinge

Like most people who woke up to this news today, I thought it was a hoax. The whatsapp groups were flooded. And so was the Facebook Newsfeed. Few searches on Google confirmed it. When I switched on the news channels, it was so real.

In sapnon ki tasveeron se, in yaadon ki zanjeeron se Apne dil ko kaise, hum azad kareinge

When I was in school, my elder sister and her best friend had a fan club of Sridevi Vs Madhuri Dixit respectively.  I guess our generation was lucky enough to have two reigning female superstars. I usually copied my sister for everything. But this was one of the times I would make my own choice.

“I like Madhuri Dixit even more than Sridevi”. I would say. Hum Aapke Hain Kaun was my favourite movie. And Salman Khan was my favourite hero.

My earliest memories of Sridevi’s movies is of my sister telling me the story in a nutshell. I watched them much later in life. Or probably I had watched them when I was younger. But I understood them much later. Because they were all so meaningful.

Sachcha Koi Sapna Deja Mujhko Koi Apna Deja

A child will not understand the meaning of this song. When you grow up, you would understand how loneliness will make you crave for just anyone…Yes. Anyone!

Koi Kash Dil Pe Zara Hath Rakh Le Mere Dil Ke Tukdoh Ko Ik Sath Kar Le

Was it just me who sympathized more with Vinod Khanna in the last scene?

Main to hoon pagal munda, tu hai meri soni kudi. Yaaaah

Army was one of those movies that was not as famous as her other ones. But I just loved this song! There was another movie called Mr. Bechara. Again one of the lesser known ones. It would come on television frequently . I loved that one too. It had a funny song, “Lage mujhe sundar har ladki. Ho paise wali ya kadki.” I liked that song also because I believed that Sridevi finds all girls pretty. She would find me pretty too if she ever meets me.

Another not so famous movie that I would watch on television was Aulaad!  I used to feel so bad for both the mothers. I don’t even remember the ending.

When Laadla had come out, I had learnt something new. “You understand. You better understand!”  Whenever I would fight with my sister  I would end the argument with that statement. I had loved the last scene of the movie when Sridevi becomes all domesticated, wears a sari and says to Anil Kapoor while handing over a tiffin box “Shaam ko ghar jaldi aayega”. (I was too young to be a feminist then).. 

But I think my favourite movie of Sridevi remains Lamhe.

Tera man tarsa re, paani kyun barsa re, tune kisko yaad kiya

“Anil Kapoor loves Sridevi. She dies. Then her daughter grows up and falls in love with him!” – My sister had told me the story.

“What!” I had replied. Way ahead of its times, this was a masterpiece! Every scene was a visual treat. It was again one of those movies I watched and understood after becoming a teenager. No woman from our generation had completed school without dancing to ‘Morni baga maa bole aadhi raat maa’.

I love all the songs from that movie. They are in my pen drive. And downloaded from Gaana too. For me ‘Kabhi main kahoon’ would be one of the most romantic song ever.

Beauty. Acting. Dancing. Grace. Can any actress of this generation even compare?

Hotho se honth mile na bhale chahe mile na bahe bahon se, do dil zinda reh sakte hain chahat ki bhari nigaho se  

The answer is No. They can wear the skimpiest clothes possible. And do a 100 kissing scenes. They will not look half as sensuous as Sridevi in her plain red sari and white sari.

Actresses do a come-back after a break. Their movies are at best forgettable. Sridevi gave us English Vinglish.

“Mujhe pyaar ki kami nahi hai. Bus thodi izzat chahiye.” Every woman could relate.  Navrai majhi became the national wedding anthem.

I had to write a review for Mom. I had  watched it within a day of release.  When I wrote the first draft of the review, I had gone completely carried away by Sridevi’s performance. I had written that the scene in which she sees her daughter in the hospital for the first time should be shown in acting schools as a lesson on how to emote grief. I had dedicated some two – three paragraphs on how Sridevi is the best! Nobody can match her in any way!  I was asked to rework. I had completely overlooked the word limit and spoiler consideration! But such is the impact Sridevi had on everyone.

Why did she have to go?

 Main vaapas aaunga mai vaapas aaunga, jaa rahaa hun mai yahaan jaan apni chhod  ke 

My heart goes out to her young daughters whose lives have not even begun yet.  Mona Kapoor had also passed away just before Arjun’s Kapoor debut release. The same thing happened to Jahanvi.

Judaai judaai kabhi aaye na judaai.

The people who are commenting about drugs, surgeries, pressure to look slim that “killed her”, please have some respect. She has not even been laid to rest yet. She is not alive to refute you or speak for herself.  Just because she is famous does not mean her death is for you and me to  analyse. She is a person who died. Leaving behind a family.

Bijli girane main hoon aayi, kehte hain mujhko hawa hawai

Sridevi ji, you will be the only Diva for me, and for millions of others. Your eyes. Your smile. Your face, your grace.  Your dance. Your movies. You acted at a time when people used to comment on how some heroines look better in Indian vs Western. You were exquisite in both. Your acting was mesmerizing  in the last two movies of your life, as it was 10-20 years ago. You played your age. And you did it beautifully.  You had beauty. You had substance. You had talent. You were born to shine.

I had blogged  after Reema Lagoo ji had passed away. I will say it again.  Everything good associated with my childhood is gone.

Ye lamhe ye pal hum, barson yaad karenge, yeh mausam chale gaye to, hum fariyaad kareinge.

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Kitchen: The Permanent Residence Of So Many Women We Know..

Yesterday I came across something in my News feed that infuriated me:

A restaurant named ‘Second wife restaurant’. Quoting from their website:

“Second Wife is one of the fastest growing food tech companies in Bangalore. For great food and good times. Second Wife cooks like your wife and may be better than your wife also. Experience our taste and quality of our food a wide range of vegetarian and non-vegetarian delicacies with distinct aroma and flavour achieved by carefully blending a host of spices and condiments.”

Assumption : Sole purpose of a woman is to cook for her husband!!

Men, if you want warm, home-cooked food spend some money and get a cook!! Not a wife.

Women of this generation probably manage to get some help. If not someone who cooks all meals, then maybe some one who helps in chopping, slicing, dough making extra.

But what about the generation of our mothers? How much of their time have they spent in the kitchen?

My mother loves cooking. She is awesome at it too. I have tried to keep cooks unsuccessfully. Sometimes, she doesn’t like their hygiene, or taste, or timing. She stands in the kitchen throughout while the cook works directing her. She says if she is standing in the kitchen, observing and instructing a cook, might as well do it herself!  She also says that the time she spends waiting for her, she can be done by then. Also, even with a cook, most nice things which she would prefer to cook herself!

I on the other hand, can let go completely. Being a lazy person, I can comfortably sit and do nothing, while the cook does her job. As long as she washes her hands, washes vegetables, rice properly I am okay with compromising on the taste. Because in return, I get my time! And it is worth it! I would rather spend that time reading, writing, jogging, gymming, watching Netflix or even doing nothing!

I cook once in six months / three months. When there are guests over. Or when I try out a new recipe from the internet. When I have the time. When I have nothing better to do.  No matter how well I cook, or how great it turns out the maximum that can happen is someone will eat well and say, “Very nice!”

To do it every day, from scratch, for a lifetime is just too much!. Whether you can afford help but you still choose to cook (or even if you don’t have an option) it is something that you do all the time with a  lot of time and effort!! 

I remember having a barbecue party at my cousin’s place in Singapore. We had ordered some continental chicken appetizer. My mother and aunt had mixed their Indian spices along with that chicken and managed to make an awesome biryani out of it on a very short notice!

Once biryani was served, we started eating without even bothering to say that it was good! We, however had not failed to applaud the men who had set up the barbecue! After some time, when my Bhabhi started eating after feeding her kid, she said how nice the biryani  was.  My aunt said “Oh thank God! No one was saying anything I was wondering how it came out. I was looking at Tanu’s face, when she took the first bite..”

Sometimes my mother tries a new recipe, spends an awful lot of time on it and gives it to me in my tiffin I love it. I think of texting her but I forget because I am busy at work. Sometimes even once I reach home I forgot to say anything. Sometimes I remember only when she asks. The amount of effort and time that goes in procuring the supplies, planning, cooking! Oh God! And thankless children don’t even remember to acknowledge!

Men often say things like “Mera bhi credit hai, mutton main laaya, wash kiya etc” or some variation of that. And we find it cute also. Lazy, annual cooks like me get a lot of attention for their one time special recipe!

But the ones who do it, all the time it is really a VERY difficult thing to do on a daily basis, for a lifetime! Nobody will say to you everyday that the roti, chawal, daal, was good.

I know the post started out bashing the expectation that women should cook. But let me end it with gratitude for the ones who do it every day of their life! Thank you, mom, aunts, grand moms, sister, cousins and everyone else who does it! I am sure you are not thanked enough!!





Love Never Comes Alone


Love never comes alone,

It brings everything I need.

Smiles, hopes, laughs, and charm

All my dreams unleashed.


Love never comes alone,

It brings with it sunshine.

Everything happy and good,

And moments so divine.


The morning felt different.

Brighter day, and lighter night.

Was everything the same?

Yet it felt so right.


The look in someone’s eye,

That made me feel beautiful.

The trees, the birds, the breeze

Became pleasantly musical.


I was another person,

Happy and new,

Better late than never,

I got my due.


I am a whole person.

I was always complete.

But the person I became,

Was a delightful treat.


What matters is me,

Not the love that leaves.

Yet it took away everything good,

My heart had just started to believe.


For love never leaves alone.

It took everything I had made mine.

All things happy and good,

And every little sunshine.


For love never leaves alone,

It takes away everything I need,

Smiles, hopes, laughs, and charm

As I watch and plead.


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Padman: Dragged In The Second Half, But A Good One Overall

I watched Padman yesterday.

I had watched a video of Arunachalam Muruganantham  before Twinkle Khanna had come up with her book or Akshay Kumar with the movie. It was very impactful.   It is not easy to did what he did.  I have immense respect for him. Since, I had seen his story, I knew that a lot of things shown in the movie was in fact true.

I love Akshay Kumar! I think a lot of girls had a crush on him since the ‘Chura ke dil mera goriiya chali’ days. I feel his career graph has been amazing. Commercial success along with a social message is not an easy thing to achieve.  And he had done it with ‘Airlift, ‘Toilet’ etc. Movies that show how gratifying it is to think about something / someone other than us.

What worked for me:

  • The first half is quite entertaining. Interesting premise.
  • Radhika Apte was apt for her role! This is the first movie of hers that I have seen! I may have seen parts of Badlapur.
  • The audience would completely sympathise with Laxmi’s character. Poor guy is trying to help. He talks about logic and hygiene. But the stupid villagers are not willing to accept anything beyond their backward beliefs. I will not call them illiterate because even Arunachalam Muruganantham is a school dropout. Education is a good start but it does not guarantee anything. It is a lost cause on many! Our society is full of people who hold on to their regressive beliefs for dear life and do not care about much else. I guess it is a combination of ego, bullying by elders, hypocrisy, resistance to logic and unconditional love for stupidity!
  • When Laxmi’s “product” gets rejected by his wife as “bekar” or with other women being skeptical to try it on, you really feel for the guy. It reminded me of the movie, ‘Toilet’ when they had broken the washroom he had contracted within his house! It was such a nice washroom with tiles and even a jet spray faucet!!
  • The way women are treated during “those days” is well depicted in the movie. Even so called modern, women (who have access to sanitary napkins) are not allowed to visit temples or performing pujas during periods. People do not realize that these rules were made at a time when there no access to hygiene. They do not apply anymore.
  • Radhika Apte (Gayatri)’s dialogue “Hum aurateein ke liye bimari se marna, sharam se marne se behtar hai.”.  I think stupidity may the biggest disease in India!
  • There is a scene in which Gayatri leaves her husband is back to her brother’s house because everybody (including she herself) thinks Laxmi is crazy. There, her Bhabhi falls down in the bathroom. Her brother taunts his wife for being fat, eating too much and breaking the pipe as the poor woman is struggling in pain. Gayatri looks at her insensitive, rude, mean, brother in horror who is a contrast to her husband, who was so sweet and caring. This was a very impactful scene. Girls, we may fight with our boyfriends, husbands for whatever reason but ultimately if your guy treats you nicely and cares for you, it is what matters. There are enough horrible men like this idiot!

What did not work for me:

  • Sonam Kapoor! I don’t know why she was there in the movie. The one-sided love angle was completely forced and unnecessary. The movie dragged in the second half. I don’t know why Bollywood always has to have two women to show contrast between the gaon ki gori, bholi bhali girl vs the modern, English speaking shehar ki ladki. Sonam Kapoor (Pari) is playing herself. A privileged woman with an accent who says “Ashir what?” There was a girl from the medical college who was sympathetic towards Lakshmi. I think it would have been more credible if Sonam’s role was given to her.
  • Pari’s father is a widower who raised her alone. He cooks for her, and they both seem to have a very honest, friendly relationship. In an absurd dialogue he says to Laxmi, “Baap hone ka asli ehsaas / maza maa ban kar hi aata hai!” “Aur mard hone ka asli maza aurat ho ka ata hai”. The writers may be trying to make a progressive movie but they carry their gender stereotypes to work. A father cannot cook for her daughter! If he is doing so he is being like a mother! Wow! Why can’t we just let good fathers be good fathers! They can be appreciated as fathers also.
  • Laxmi’s speech towards the end should not have been made so comic. I did not find it funny but annoying, and corny. What I did find funny was Sonam Kapoor’s kiss before, and an unsuccessful attempt after! It was not romantic. It made me laugh. Why Bollywood! Why!

Towards the last 15 minutes I was just waiting for the movie to be over. Maybe the movie dragged. Maybe I should not go for a night show! Maybe when Akshay Kumar was delivering his ‘Linglish’ speech, all I could think of was the original Padman’s speech. I could not find the video which I had seen years ago, but I did find this Ted Talk link.  Do watch it. He talks about how after making lots of money, people think about philanthropy. Why not do it from he start! Very inspirational video.

Overall, I understand that spreading a message is important. But in order to reach more people, our Bollywood keeps commercial success and  commercial constraints in mind! Chalo koi nahi. What is important is that now everybody knows Arunachalam Muruganantham. A great man who did what probably no other man could. And who does not care about money! Respect! What is important is we are breaking the taboo around periods. Bollywood, we forgive your flaws, as long as the cause is good. Padman is definitely better than most Bollywood movies!

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Do Indian Men Use Respect For Parents And Indian Culture As An Excuse When Convenient?

Do Indian Men Use Respect For Parents And Indian Culture As An Excuse When Convenient?

What is it with Indian men, and their sudden declarations of respect for parents, their values, and Indian culture? Do they mean it, or is it just convenient?

Please click on the link above to read the article on Women’s Web.


What is it about women laughing that makes men angry?

This was the headline of one of the many rubbish articles that propaganda driven publications could not refrain from publishing. This is what I understood:

A woman mocking, disrespecting someone with a loud, non-stop laughter, almost interrupting his speech, making him inaudible on an honourable platform is okay.

But God forbid, if a man asks her to behave, or makes a sarcastic comment in response he is a misogynist!

This was not about gender. This was about basic respect.

Every day I read articles on how feminism has gone too far. I always jump in defense. Feminism is needed.  Women do not get basic respect, I say.  Our society is chauvinistic, and misogynist,  I believe.

Some feminist writers have used this opportunity to write about how women are taught not to laugh and how the country in general is intolerant to women laughing! I found it quite ridiculous.  It reminded me of a comedy scene from the movie, ‘Tanu weds Manu returns’. Tanu says something like “500 saalon se auraton pe atyachar ho raha hai.” Manu says “To mujh akele se badla logi kya?”

I do not know on what planet that kind of a laughter was acceptable in the context. I am not supporting the remark made. I just don’t like it when the “woman card” is used in a way where it completely defeats the purpose of equality. A woman can be disrespectful because for centuries, we have been suppressed?? But a man should not because she is a woman!!

Yes, women have been taught that laughing out loud is unfeminine. Our laughter should be a little sweet, a little soft, a little cute.  A slight giggle probably.  Pleasing to the ears.  I agree it is sexist. It is unfair. However, this was not like that!!

If we cannot distinguish between laughing and laughing at someone with the intention of mocking and insulting, then I don’t think we should be talking about feminism. Maybe step 1 would be to talk about basic human behavior and interactions, and respect.

Yes. I know. Freedom of speech. Freedom of expression. Unfortunately, it is a double-edged sword.