I keep hearing the story of an older family friend.
He must be in his 80’s now. He has never been married. As per the legend, he used to be a handsome man in his youth. Romantic. Desirable. Rumour has it that he looked just like like Rajesh Khanna.
He wanted a “love marriage.” Whenever any “ladki walas” came home for a rishta, he would pretend to limp. Or something else. He was filmy. He was very clear that he would not compromise on his partner.
Years went by. The perfect one never came along. There were some rumours of an alleged brief fling with another lady who also never married. He remained single.
He is currently in an old age home. His siblings’ children do visit him. His story has been passed on to my generation by parents as an example of what happens when you are too dreamy! You end up alone!
“You marry while you can!” is what elders tell us. Or even older cousins who married someone without falling in love. I do not want to make this post about arranged marriage vs love marriage. I have written enough about it.
Would you marry someone who are not even attracted to, or have a connection with because he can provide you a stable life?
Or would you marry someone with whom you have a spark yet you are unsure of stability in the future?
What if you don’t even have the second option yet. Would you wait? Or would you go ahead with a secured life?
We have not seen the future. Someone who seems stable today may not be so in the future. So what are you left with then?
And if you marry for “love”, then well if the love doesn’t last?
Can chemistry be developed over time?
But should it be so forced? Isn’t it easier when you already have it?
Elders love to say “You should marry someone who likes you. Not someone who you like.” I think only Indian elders say this!! Is it too much to ask that BOTH should like each other?
I remember talking to a friend of mine who is older than me. She is also a practising counselor. One of the girls was complaining that she was being pressurized for an arranged marriage. But she did not find the guys her parents were seeing for her interesting. But the guy she was seeing was not interested in marrying her. My counselor friend said to her, “You are looking for a man who can be a friend, plus you should have chemistry, plus commitment, all in one person!”
“Well, isn’t that what a relationship is supposed to be?” I immediately jumped to her rescue.
“Ideally yes. But it may not happen. You have to pick what matters most to you.”
The answer is never so simple. People who have been married will tell you what matters. Or even what is missing.
Just a thought. A random one.
© 2018, Tanvi Sinha. All rights reserved.