A married, working mother of two has asked me to write an article on how husbands have become more of a liability for working women. Based on her experience, and that of most married women she knows, she has sent me a list of ways in which her life and her husband’s life has changed after marriage. I have tabulated her list below.
Even before you read this, my apologies to the good husbands / fathers out there. I personally know a lot of men who share all the responsibilities. So please do not get offended by this. It does not apply to you. For parents of such men, you have done a good job raising your son right. And finally to the wives of these husbands, I am happy for you!
Now for all the men who are described as below, please read this and be considerate to your poor wives!
[table id=1 /]
I had ended this article here originally. But seeing the comments on Facebook, I thought I need to write more in order to make it balanced.
I know that not all men / women are the way described in the table. This was based on the reader’s experience. The problem lies with the expectations of the gender roles in India. I would like to share the experience of a close friend of mine who was struggling in her new marriage, managing home and office simultaneously. She was being judged by her in-laws, her husband being absolutely insensitive to the pressures she was facing. Her husband’s salary was now being spent exclusively on the home loan that he had taken before marriage. Her salary was spent on paying for rent, and every other household expense. She would come back home to a grumpy husband and in-laws who felt she focused “too much” on her job and did not take care of their needs. Her mother-in-law told her that she is being “allowed” to work for her “social life”, that does not mean she can neglect the household work.
The girl went to a counselor, to seek some help in saving her marriage. She told the counselor that it is unfair that both the husband and wife are sharing the finances and only she is expected to do the household work. Sharing the the exact conversation that took place between the girl and the therapist.
“Why do you work?”
“For my financial independence.”
“So, if you were a millionaire, you would not work?”
“I would probably still work, because I like to. For my own confidence, intellectual stimulation etc.”
“So you are working for yourself basically. Your mothers, grandmothers did not work. It was their primary responsibility to take care of the household. Your husband and in-laws are allowing you to work, for your own enjoyment. The least you owe them is to ensure that their needs are taken care of. You can work as long as you take care of the house and them. I am also a working woman. If my husband wants food at 3 am, I get up and cook for him. From where did you get the idea, that if you work in office for your ego, he should also work in the house?”
And this was a certified therapist who does marriage counselling!! We can only imagine the mentality of an average household. A woman who works is made to feel guilty or grateful. A man who does household work or takes care of the child is applauded for “helping”. It is because of this inequality, that I feel compelled to share these articles.
© 2017, Tanvi Sinha. All rights reserved.